She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
