I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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