He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
