bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
