I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
