If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
