I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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