If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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