she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
