its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
