you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize
