THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
