My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize