ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
