So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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