Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Is that strawberry winking at me??
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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