the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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