tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
