I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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