R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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