brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
