Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
