yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
