remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
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