I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Sorry my hands just texted you
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
