My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
