what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
