i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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