sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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