Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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