did i walk over a car last night?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
