I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
