You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
