OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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