I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
