Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
