Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize