My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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