Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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