is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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