Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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