...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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