She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Randomize
