Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
