I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
