After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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