We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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