I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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