What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
