Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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