I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize