hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
