i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
