went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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