i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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