Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
