You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
