matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
