the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
