Operation Purity has been aborted
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
