Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize