Where did you get a picture of my penis
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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