he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Randomize
