it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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