New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
