I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize