Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
