you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
