Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
