Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
