Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
