about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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