I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
