You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
