No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
