Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
